The Signature Model and Paradigm I Use to Create More Joy in Life

Learning to enjoy the moment is a skill you can develop.

Life can throw so much stress at us. Some of it is unnecessary, but some of it is unavoidable. Developing the skill of enjoying the moment allows you to cooperate with the stress that comes your way rather than fight against it.

You still may have moments when stress overwhelms you, but that’s because you keep stepping into new areas of growth.

When I feel that anxiety coming around the corner, I use a model and a paradigm to reframe every moment so I can find joy in it.

Model

No model is perfect, but this model allows me to have the best mindset and anticipate where I will struggle most. It’s how leaders are built and grown. The model is:

A secure identity overflows to a clear mission and attracts and builds a healthy community.

Identity > Mission > Community

In our coaching process we focus on helping clients become aware of how they live and react out of an insecure identity. We help them notice when they are insecurely trying to prove or hide something about who they are. Understanding what’s happening in these moments can help them get off the hamster wheel and stop repeating self-sabotaging behaviors. It can reveal clarity in your mission and the next right step to take in your community.

As you work with others, you can do the same by repeatedly taking the conversation back to identity. It’s in this conversation where you learn to cooperate with how life is transforming, reinforcing, and building the security of your identity.

You will never be done with this growth process and neither will the people you coach, but as you continue to grow, your identity overflows in your mission and builds your community.

Paradigm

The paradigm I use guides the cooperation with the model. It helps me understand what’s happening in any given moment and the next right action to take.

The paradigm is:

Aware > Lean In > Flip > Flow.

Awareness

To be aware is to notice what’s happening and accept reality as it is rather than fight against it.

I woke up this morning and noticed I was nervous and feeling anxious. As I became aware of what was happening underneath that feeling, I accepted it.

You don’t just notice it. You have to also become aware. If you’re not aware, you’ll miss what’s really happening at the root of who you are.

Then you have to accept what’s happening. Many people can’t advance past the first step of transformation because they resist accepting reality as it is.

We don’t just train our coaches to help clients notice. We train our coaches to help clients position themselves to receive awareness.

Once you become aware, then you shift into the next movement: Lean In.

Lean In

I lean in to what is really going on.

Nervousness and anxiety is the surface-level emotion. What’s really happening is the building of my identity. What’s really happening is that I want people to like me or think I’m doing a good job.

That’s the simple expression.

The deeper expression is that I’m being driven by one of the nine identity fears we explore in Figure That Shift Out. Maybe it’s my main identity fear that I need to perform well so others think I’m worthy. Maybe it’s another identity fear that I need them to like me so I feel like I belong.

So, I either lean in to this moment and build my identity around something secure, or I tolerate or avoid what’s really happening and passively allow my identity to be built around something insecure like my mission or community.

Aware of what’s really happening, I choose to lean in to it.

Then I flip it.

Flip

I woke up and became aware that I felt nervous and anxious.

I didn’t miss what was really happening beneath those emotions. I didn’t just tolerate them and I didn’t avoid them. I leaned into them.

Then I flipped the moment.

This flip can be cognitive. You recognize that you need to pull back and relax. You resist the urge to force something, remind yourself that the urge is birthed out of insecurity, and instead you cooperate with what’s unfolding.

But more importantly, it’s experiential.

It’s activating the power of the exercises we teach in our core program, Figure That Shift Out, (i.e. Identity Space, Identity Activity, and Table Exercise) to receive the insight from the insecurity that helps you take the next right step.

As you train your mind more and more through these exercises, you mine the growth that you need to keep advancing.

And you position yourself to flow.

Flow

Flow happens when…

F: the fear of your identity fades to the background. You don’t show up to get something from this moment, but to give.

L: You experience a loss of time because you aren’t overwhelmed by the past or the future. You are here now.

O: You overflow the practice of the skills learned in Figure That Shift Out to build a secure identity.

W: You move into a we and me consciousness. You know who you are as a unique individual AND you are also connected to the greater whole.

If you’re not in flow, you’re probably frustrated. You’re blocked up. You’re like a garden hose that has a twist in it. The flow-through can’t happen.

What’s the flow through?

A secure identity overflows to a clear mission, which attracts and builds a healthy community.

Here’s the catch: You don’t remove the twist once-and-for-all. It’s a continual process of gardening.

You develop your mindfulness by becoming aware and leaning in. You notice your thoughts, your consciousness, your emotions, your feelings, and the drive and impulse that comes with those.

Then you remove any rot from your mindset by flipping and flowing.

It’s a process you constantly return to in order to actively upgrade and renew your mindset. It’s the process we teach at SightShift to help you find joy in every moment.