Fear #
1
Fear Of Not Being Needed
Fear Description
This fear says that if you are not needed then you are not loved. Because of this, you make decisions designed to get people to like you (i.e. need you) rather than based on what’s best for you or the people around you. Unchecked, this fear will leave you without healthy boundaries in relationships and incapable of making the hard or unpopular decision when necessary. Instead, you work to remain integral to the flow of information and work, often becoming the bottleneck, in order to confirm that you are needed.
Leadership Style
Leaky Ship
The leaky ship is focused, disciplined, and committed to a destination. Full steam ahead! But there are cracks underneath the surface that are tolerated or avoided. Whether aware of them or not, there are issues that aren’t being addressed that are causing leaks. If they aren’t dealt with, the ship will sink.
Core Value
What you value is an important element for any successful team or organization. However, in limbo moments when you feel stress, pressure, change or uncertainty, your values will become out-of-balance, causing you to build unbalanced teams and create an unbalanced culture.
The core value of those with this fear is Service to Others. Without awareness, in times of stress you will overvalue Being Needed and undervalue Boundaries.
You Undervalue
Boundaries
Your Core Value
Service to Others
You Overvalue
Being Needed
Core Doubt
Every leader pursuing an ambitious horizon experiences doubts. You will experience relational doubts ("Do they like me?") and you will experience mission doubts ("Am I doing a good job?"). At the root of it all is a mindset doubt.
If this is your top fear, your core doubt is "I doubt I am useful". Here are also a few questions that may help you see and understand your doubt better.
Hiding Question
Is my motive for serving to prove I'm useful?
Core Doubt
I doubt I am useful
Proving Question
Is my serving a way to avoid genuine connections?
Non-Supportive Habits
You may passively participate in, or fall victim to, priorities that don’t advance your or the team’s vision and goals.
The Limiting Beliefs
Being liked is being valued. You need to be liked.
3 Things to Apply
1. Nurture Your Independence
Enjoy your ability to connect with others as a strength, without limiting the definition of who you are to those relationships. Like a sturdy tree, grounding yourself in your unique roots, let your connections with others be the branches that enhance, rather than define, the expansive canopy of who you are.
2. Encourage Their Contribution
You're at your best when creating a culture where everyone contributes according to who they are. It's not about you being needed; it's about creating a community where everyone contributes, like branches adding to the strength and diversity of a forest.
3. Respect Their Space
Dependability is a strength that becomes a weakness when you don’t know when to step back. Being needed shouldn't mean being too close. Like branches spreading out in a healthy, uncrowded tree, allow others the space to grow.
3 Things to Avoid
1. Avoid Creating Dependency
The energy you feel to rescue others, even out of love, does more harm than good if you lose sight of the point of the rescue. Let others fly freely and grow independently, like trees reaching for the sky.
2. Don't Overcrowd the Roots
Don’t assume your help is wanted. Try asking first. Too many roots in one spot can hinder growth. Similarly, don’t just rush in and fix. Give each person their space to grow, like trees in a well-spaced forest.
3. Don’t Miss Changing Seasons
Needs, yours and theirs are ever-changing. You won’t appreciate where you end and they begin without recognizing that needs in relationships aren’t static. Understand the changing seasons of needs, like a tree sheds its leaves to make space for new growth.
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