Fear #
8
Fear Of Vulnerability
Fear Description
If this is your fear, you feel as if closeness with others will inevitably lead to being hurt. While you desire for people to be with you and to stay engaged, your fear-based actions actually create walls to keep them out. Sometimes you might even generate false conflict in order to push them away and protect yourself from getting too close. Although the fear promises that the walls and the distance will keep you safe from pain, it actually delivers pain in the form of isolation and disconnection. What this fear promises to deliver—protection from pain—is the very thing it is unable to keep you from experiencing.
Leadership Style
LEAKY SHIP
The leaky ship is focused, disciplined, and committed to a destination. Full steam ahead! But there are cracks underneath the surface that are tolerated or avoided. Whether aware of them or not, there are issues that aren’t being addressed that are causing leaks. If they aren’t dealt with, the ship will sink.
Core Value
What you value is an important element for any successful team or organization. However, in limbo moments when you feel stress, pressure, change or uncertainty, your values will become out-of-balance, causing you to build unbalanced teams and create an unbalanced culture.
The core value of those with this fear is Strength. Without awareness, in times of stress you will overvalue Power and undervalue Limitations.
You Undervalue
Limitations
Your Core Value
Strength
You Overvalue
Power
Core Doubt
Every leader pursuing an ambitious horizon experiences doubts. You will experience relational doubts ("Do they like me?") and you will experience mission doubts ("Am I doing a good job?"). At the root of it all is a mindset doubt.
If this is your top fear, your core doubt is "I doubt I can be genuine". Here are also a few questions that may help you see and understand your doubt better.
Hiding Question
Am I avoiding vulnerability to the point of sabotaging relationships?
Core Doubt
I doubt I can be genuine
Proving Question
Is my energy in relationships really a way to avoid being known?
Non-Supportive Habits
You may withhold relevant information/stories that would allow you to connect with others at a deeper level.
The Limiting Beliefs
Sharing too much of yourself creates risk. You need to keep your distance / build walls.
3 Things to Apply
1. Trust That Power Isn’t A Finite Supply
The more power you give away the more you have. It’s a currency that moves between you and others. When you know that no human can take away your dignity you are free to deal in the currency and empower others to know their own strength. Be like a tree, generously sharing its shade without diminishing its own strength.
2. Shine The Light Of True Leadership
Leadership is defined by the strength you give to others. This mindset will help you embrace the most empowering presence leadership offers, gentleness. But this only happens when you first give yourself gentleness. Illuminate the path for others like a tree filtering sunlight to the forest floor.
3. Engage “We” As More Fulfilling Than “Me”
True, it takes a group of healthy me’s to make up a healthy we but there’s no great accomplishment for humanity without a “we” approach. The point of your strength isn’t to keep others away but to build a community that impacts the world. Nurture a forest where individual trees create a majestic canopy together.
3 Things to Avoid
1. Don’t Bankrupt Your Power
When you cash in on your power with others through presence, force, intimidation, or posturing you eventually draw down the account to zero. Leading by fear does not produce sustained impact. True leadership doesn't drain resources through force, but rather, like a tree, it shares the sun’s power to nourish and grow.
2. Don’t Run From Vulnerability
Your circumstances or the people behind them are not the enemy. Running past vulnerability is your enemy. Your vulnerability will engender greater respect and trust with the right people. Much like a tree baring its branches to the elements, don’t hide from the opportunities for honest admission or an apology.
3. Avoid Harshness As A Shortcut
You can’t lead well, yourself or others, when you’re frustrated. Your harsh demands of others are interpreted as being insecure, not being in control. Realize this is like a tree attempting to force early blossoms through impatience. In the end, it’s not a shortcut to real results.
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